guilt

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It's mother's day and guilt nags me.

Am I a good mom? I am not trying for any mom of the year but I do hope I doing right by these boys. I hope they will have more good memories than bad.

Did I do enough to help the boys with their autism? Should I have done more?

I started thinking about my friend, J. She has 3 kids. Her middle son, A, has autism. His was of the regressive kind. He seemed to be developing normally then stopped talking and walked funny sometimes. They thought he might have had a stroke and did a ton of tests on him. They did not label him with autism because their insurance wouldn't pay for treatments with that diagnosis. J did a lot with A. She took him to a DAN doctor and tried all kind of things with his diet. The whole family changed their dynamic in order to help A get through this. J seemed to have endless energy devoted to A and his therapies. I haven't seen A in years since they moved but it sounds like he is doing really well. He is doing a lot more than my boys combined including sports and cub scouts.

Should I have done more? Should I have tried the gluten free/casein free diet? I don't know. I don't think I could have done much more than I did. We stopped doing outside speech therapy when the boys fussed about going and added so much stress to the day. I certainly don't have the support system J has. Nor am I as organized and she is. I applaud her efforts but still feel bad about my own.

Guilt sucks.

05.01.08 part 2, the dentist

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Actually it went pretty good. Goodness it's expensive! $125 for cleaning and check up.Andy has a small cavity in one of his baby teeth. It should fall out soon so they are not doing anything for it.Andy did well and let them brush his teeth. I hate when they ask if I am brushing their teeth. Like I have time? Good golly! I happy to get my own done. When we were little, we only had to brush once, before bed. We had to brush before we kissed my mom good night. A minty kiss meant we had done our job. And I had never heard of flossing until much older. I later learned that my mom was not so good with her oral hygiene. We had the same dentist and he used to say that he wished I would teach my mom how to brush her teeth. Ha!Once we were done with the dentist, Andy earned a trip to the toy store. I asked if he wanted a new bike (the shop is next door) but he wanted a toy. And he picked out a fairly cheap one at that. He wanted the Melissa & Doug Band in a Box.

We did go look at bikes. I think we are looking at a bmx style bike. I don't want gears because I know Andy will mess with them and screw them up. Single speed. Amazing how hard they are to find and how much they cost.

We finished off with Chick Fil A. Andy is too tall to play but they let him knowing he is not aggressive. There was a little boy, came up to Andy's waist, and he was ordering Andy around. He had Andy in "jail" and Andy thought it was funny.

04.27.08

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Sunday means NASCAR. Ryan got into NASCAR a few years ago. He has so much of it memorized. His father would have be so proud. Back in 2005, we went to my sister's house for a long weekend. Ryan got to watch Speed Channel and was hooked. So when we came back, I upgraded the cable and got Speed. He stopped watching NASCAR races. d'oh!

My dad came down a month earlier than normal in November. He likes to watch sports. Ryan was anti-TV. But Ryan let him watch some things and even some NASCAR races.

The season started this year and we are watching every race. The pre-race show sometimes as well. He knows the schedule because he looks it up online. Yesterday, we watched the Nationwide Series and today was the Sprint Series race. Ryan sits in front of the laptop so he can check out stats and facts as the announcers tell them. He also has his NASCAR Encyclopedia ready for reference. Ryan doesn't eat nor drink during the race. He is afraid to miss anything.


For the last few nights, Andy has had trouble going to sleep. He is awake past 10. Last night, I heard him talking and came out to find his getting on the laptop. Oh no! I told him he doesn't have to sleep but he has to stay in his room. He can listen to his radio. I didn't hear from him again until 5:45 am.

Andy ate his breakfast as usual. I didn't see much of him but I think he was just playing on his computer. He did eat some of the grilled cheese for lunch. Then is was after 6 pm and he didn't ask to go ride his bike and didn't start dinner (he gets the chicken out and turns on the over). I went to look for him and found him asleep in the guest room. I asked if he wanted dinner or more sleep and he said dinner. But he didn't get up.

I imagine he will be awake tonight.

This weird lack of need for sleep, or flipped schedules in not uncommon in people with autism.

We have been fortunate that this only happens every few months. And at least he didn't keep coming into my room and wake me up and he has in the past. I should look for his DS so he has another option if he wakes up.

Andy is eleven.

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I wasn't prepared for his birthday today. I did have one gift, garage band remix tools. I'm not sure if he used it much today. He has been asking to play the piano and then I hear drums. I had been thinking about getting him a drum kit but it sounds like he found a way to make his piano sound like a drum. He is clever.

We went to Publix and got balloons. Drats! I should have had then stand on the scale and see how much he has grown. A lot since last year, that is for sure!

our trip to the dentist

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Every year, it gets little tougher to deal with the kids at the dentist. They seem exciting to go until the get into the chair and it's time to open their mouth. They can be quite stubborn. I can no longer hold them still as the hygienist and the dentist so their thing. I need their cooperation. This is where incentives come in, otherwise known as bribes.

For Ryan, a trip to the bookstore is what need to be dangled in from of him to get him to open his mouth. It's still a struggle and he has to be reminded many times throughout the visit. Ryan also has a gag reflex that is way too sensitive. We used to go to lunch before the dentist until he puked up french fries. Being the embarrassed mother, I caught them in my hand so they wouldn't hit the carpet. We wait until the visit is over for food.

Ryan has a cross bite, his top front teeth are behind his bottom ones. I know he will probably need some sort of orthodontia but I worry about him accepting it. Will it be necessary for the health of his mouth or is it just cosmetic? He doesn't seem bothered by it. At least he has stopped grinding his teeth and making them squeak.

Ryan has 2 small cavities in his baby molars. They are just watching them and he has to go back in 3 months for another application of fluoride on the areas. Oh joy.

Afterwards, we went to Wendy's then to Barnes & Noble. I don't know why my kids prefer this store. Border's has better coupons. He has been waiting for months for the next volume of Peanuts. It wasn't out yet, it won't be available until April 30. So Ryan got the game Rush Hour instead.

Then we had to pick Andy up at school. He gets upset if Ryan is not on the bus.

Crap! Dried puke.

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Ryan tells me Andy got sick in bed. Last night? Yep. All over the bed and stuffed animals and books...

I asked Andy. "Did you get sick last night?" "yes" "Why didn't you tell me?" "where am i today?" "Staying home." smile "where is ryan today?" "Going to school." whine "I can't go to school without Andy!"

Oh joy. Glad I got some of my errands done yesterday but I always have more. Guess I will be staying home and catching up on laundry and orders.

blech.

If I acted like this after puking in the night, playing with no fever, I would be sent to school. Hate that 24 hour rule.