trying not to buy

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Even before the economy took a nose dive, I realized the need to curtail my own spending. The problem is that it's a hard habit to break. It helps that I am reduced to using my debit card instead of credit. (yes, I am paying off too much credit debt as well)
But expenses keep cropping up like the way the boys keep growing and needing new clothes. And I have certain standards like buying decent things not cheap. (label snob? sort of) The boys and I wear Birkenstocks. I do save some money by getting them the Birkis which are waterproof and cheaper. But finding a decent selection in the US is hard at best and much more expensive. Even then, there few styles for boys. I was quite surprised when Ryan chose camo.

I probably should be doing Damn Ramsey but there is some excuse not to. I know that he basically says to eliminate your credit cards and debt. Don't use credit cards. And have an emergency fund. I'm just not ready live out of a packet of envelopes even if his logic is sound.

Meanwhile, I no longer go out to lunch everyday. I eat at home. My lunches are better and healthier and cheaper. And when I shop online, I fill my cart up then leave the site. If I really need something, I will be back. If it was just fun to look, then no harm was done.

stubborn

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Maybe I should have titled this "stubborn, part 4,586" but I haven't kept tract how many times Ryan's obstinateness has frustrated me to no end. I tend to try to block those instances out so I don't dwell on them and go insane.

031909-camobirks

Anyway, the boys got new shoes yesterday. Years ago when they go new shoes, they would not wear them right away. They would sit for a few days or weeks until the boys were ready to put them on. OK, no big deal. Recently, the boys will wear their new shoes right away. Well, Andy won't wear new sandals until school is out, he prefers his sneakers. But his feet must have really grown because he chose his new sandals today. With socks.

And this made Ryan upset. But he couldn't express himself so it took some moping and pouting and guesswork until I figured it out. Ryan wanted to wear his new shoes today but didn't want Andy to wear his. Well, Andy wants to wear his new shoes, they feel better. Ryan actually said he would stay home, something he never does.

I gave Ryan some choices: 1) wear his new shoes and stop moping; 2) wear Andy's old sneakers; 3) wear his old shoes until next week. He wore his old sandals even though they are too small and cracking.

Stubborn.

tables are turning

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After Gail died, the boys and I went up to Brighton for a few weeks every summer. I took the time to be very lazy and let dad take care of things. He didn't seem to mind and I used this time to recharge myself. After being on 24/7, it was nice to let someone else take the reins for a while. I wasn't completely selfish but I didn't help out much with the housework.

When my dad comes down for the winter, he does help out a lot. This year I notice he is doing less and resting more. And the selfish 4 year old inside me is stamping my foot saying it isn't fair. Why should I have to do it all myself? Then I smack myself and realize how petulant I sound.

I see him slowing down and I hate it. Because I am the youngest of 5, I feel I am not ready for this.

My father turned 80 years old in December. He is generally healthy though he suffers from asthma and takes medication for high blood pressure. Recently he has been having flair ups of his colitis. He did see my doctor down here who referred him to a gastroenterologist but dad is waiting until he goes to Georgia. Charlie, my brother in law, suffers from Crohn's which is similar to colitis and my dad would prefer to see Charlie's doctor. I have to admit that Nancy, my sister, is better at nagging dad about getting things taken care of.

My friend T's mother has diabetes. She lost her leg to the disease and still doesn't follow doctor's orders. I wonder if it is because her husband is a doctor and she likes to be contrary. T is also the youngest child and has a young daughter. Instead of getting help from her parents, she is the one providing relief. She is even moving back to our home town so she can be closer.

Welcome to the sandwich generation.

my first inamorato: part 2

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my first inamorato: part 1

Afterwards, the cards were fewer and farther between.

Two years later, I went to visit my friend in Washington. When my visit was almost over, I finally called Jim. I can' even recall if I talked to him or got the answering machine. I called because I felt I had to, not that I wanted to. Whatever was between us, was gone and I didn't want to look like I was trying to hang on. We never had an end, it just faded.

Over the years, I thought about him. Not often but enough. I have a pretty good memory. I was SO surprised to hear from. His email was rather long and he apologized if he had hurt me. I assured him that he didn't. The fact is, he offered and I was ready. Love was not involved, probably not even lust, but a strong attraction and I was starved for attention never having a boyfriend since fifth grade where going together was more of a declaration more than any physical action.

What was really weird was him saying that he has read my blog. Oh lord! What does he think of me?
I finally emailed him back. I kept it light. He is married now, happily he repeated in his email. I thought it might be nice to have an email pal. I never got a response. Was he injured or killed? Did he think I wanted something more? I thought a lot about this. My theory is that he is in some kind of recovery, some 12 step program where he has to make amends.

charlie's soap

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When I learned to do laundry, we were using powdered detergent in a box. You grabbed a scoop and dumped it into the washer. Powder was everywhere. If you needed bleach, only on whites, you added a half a cup to this green jar we had then filled the rest with water. Once the washer was filled and moving, you could add the bleach.

Then we got some crystal detergent in a bottle. The cap was the measuring scoop. It was all very handy and neat. That product was replaced by Free. At least I think that was the name of the detergent and it was a liquid! A liquid? Yes, a nice little bottle and you poured in the amount and did not spill powder all over the place until you felt like you were at the beach. We eventually switched to Tide and have been there for years.

When I had a baby, everyone said you had to use Dreft because it got out the stains and was gentle for baby. And it smelled great. Only it smelled worse than 3 day old diapers and I couldn't stand to use it. I switched to Tide Free, which had no dies and no scents to irritate baby's skin. I found I liked it too for some of my clothes especially the ones right next to my skin.

Now I find out that Tide isn't so good for the environment. Huh? Well, liquid Tide isn't so bad but there are better products out there. Charlie's Soap is one I keep reading about. You especially see it talked about at the baby and diaper sites. And Charlie's Soap is supposed to cut down on the washer build up gunk. I have a lot of gunk because I have a Maytag Neptune front loading washer. And this washer is supposed to be left open between loads. Except I can't leave it open or my son would crawl in there! So the gunk grows.

OK, I'll try some but I don't want to pay shipping. Can't I find some locally? No, a few places might carry the all-purpose cleaner but no one carries the laundry detergent. I find a place that seems to have a good deal and place my order. Now all I have to do is use up the Tide I have and make the switch. Except every time I get low, dad goes out and buys more. Oops. OK, we are on the same page and have used up the Tide.

I have been using Charlie's Soap for a few weeks and I like it. There is less gunk in the washer, which is good. I haven't noticed any more softness in my clothes but that's OK. They didn't seem scratchy to me in the first place. I guess it helps to buy cotton.

My only problem is the powder all over the place. I hate that sticking to my hands. Yep, it's a sensory thing and I feel like I am back at the beach.